Feeling lonely after moving to the U.S.? How to start building your circle

Step 1 — Know that what you feel is real, and worth taking seriously

Moving to a new country often means losing, all at once, the everyday contact you had with family, friends, neighbors and coworkers. Feeling lonely after a move is not a sign that you failed.

It is also not something to just “push through” forever. The U.S. Surgeon General treats social connection as a health issue: according to HHS, social isolation increases the risk of premature death by 29%, and poor social relationships, isolation and loneliness can increase the risk of heart disease by 29% and of stroke by 32% (HHS — Social Connection).

Step 2 — Choose one weekly thing, and keep going back

Friendships rarely start from a single event. They grow when you see the same people again and again. Instead of trying many different events once, pick one activity that repeats every week — the same class, club, sports group or volunteer shift — and commit to it for at least a month or two.

Good places to look:

• your local public library’s events calendar (classes, clubs, conversation groups);
• community centers and parks and recreation programs in your city;
• groups built around something you already enjoy — a sport, music, cooking, hiking, games.

Step 3 — Practice English with other people

If you are still building your English, learning it with other people solves two problems at once. You can study on your own for free with USA Learns, a free online English course, and also look for in-person English classes or conversation groups near you (libraries and adult schools are good places to ask). Classmates in an English class are often newcomers too — people who understand exactly what you’re going through.

Step 4 — Volunteer

Helping others is one of the easiest ways to meet people while doing something that matters. AmeriCorps lists volunteer opportunities across the country, “whether you have an hour, a day, or more.” Volunteering also helps you learn how things work locally — and it gives you something to talk about with new people.

Step 5 — Find people who share your language or background — if you want to

Spending time with people who speak your language or share your culture can feel like a deep breath. It’s a good place to start, and it can be an important source of support.

You decide what you share about yourself. You never have to tell anyone your nationality or your immigration status to join a group or make friends. It also helps to keep both kinds of circles: people from home, and people from your new city.

Step 6 — Stay close to home without staying stuck

Regular calls with family and friends abroad matter — keep them. Try to schedule them (time zones make this easier to plan), so they support your new life instead of replacing it. If you notice you spend most of your free time online with people far away, take that as a gentle sign to add one local activity to your week.

Step 7 — When it’s more than loneliness, reach out for help

Sometimes loneliness becomes sadness that doesn’t lift, trouble sleeping, or thoughts of hurting yourself. You don’t have to handle that alone:

• 988 Suicide & Crisis Lifeline: call or text 988, or chat at 988lifeline.org. It is available 24/7, and conversations are free and confidential. Text and chat are also available in Spanish.
• SAMHSA’s National Helpline: call 1-800-662-HELP (4357). It is a free, confidential, 24/7, 365-day-a-year treatment referral and information service in English and Spanish, and it can refer you to local treatment, support groups and community-based organizations (SAMHSA).
• If you are in immediate danger, call 911.